Its been six months since I have visited this site, refusing to post anything of substance until I got my head on straight.

I'm learning that that time of clarity will not arrive in my life.
Maybe when my ashes are spread out at sea?

So much has happened in my life this half a year. I took some giant steps in becoming more comfortable in my own skin. Received some good support, while others, many others, took the first exit they saw.

Its never easy losing people.

I lost one of my best friends to a dream, fantasy, romanticized life that "said friend" just had to have. It sucks when you are shown where you lie on the spectrum of life for someone. Its never as easy to get over as one hopes. For me at least.

But in that process, new life has blossomed. And that is beautiful.
Those remnants, of the old beauty that I have cherished so much in my life, old friends, old way of doing things...those remnants are missed.