Its been six months since I have visited this site, refusing to post anything of substance until I got my head on straight.

I'm learning that that time of clarity will not arrive in my life.
Maybe when my ashes are spread out at sea?

So much has happened in my life this half a year. I took some giant steps in becoming more comfortable in my own skin. Received some good support, while others, many others, took the first exit they saw.

Its never easy losing people.

I lost one of my best friends to a dream, fantasy, romanticized life that "said friend" just had to have. It sucks when you are shown where you lie on the spectrum of life for someone. Its never as easy to get over as one hopes. For me at least.

But in that process, new life has blossomed. And that is beautiful.
Those remnants, of the old beauty that I have cherished so much in my life, old friends, old way of doing things...those remnants are missed.

I am a collector of burdens

I was talking with two of my best friends last night and I realized that we are called to help carry one anothers burdens.

We traverse through life and the hardships we encounter along the way and things stick to us.

Pain.
Happiness.
Sorrow.
Joy.

But we must never forget how to cry.
We must never forget how to laugh.
For our humanity is wrapped up in these to seemingly simple acts.

For those of you who have forgotten, safely know that I will shed the tears and spread the smiles for you until you learn how to again.