Monday, March 15, 2010

As I write this, it is 4:47 am and I am once again, unable to sleep. Its been this way for the past few days, ever since an incident. Ugh. I hate fighting. I hate fighting with friends and people that I love. I also hate group mentalities, gossip, and cruelty. I've been guilty of all of those and being on the receiving end has inspired me to take longer looks at my own thoughts, and the words that come out of my mouth.

I will only edify others.

How could everything be going just fine one moment then the next moment, my whole life feels like it is being ripped out from underneathe me?

But, even so, I still have a good life. I have friends all over the world who love me and know me. That is a comfort in this time of physical isolation.

Contrary to what some may believe, I was in the hospital Friday night. Why would anyone question whether or not someone else was in the hospital? All I asked for was for people to pray for me and send good thoughts because after all, I know I'm sensitive, but friday night was probably one of the worst nights of my entire life.

I went on a date this past Saturday, very simple and plain. We went to Cest La Vie, this amazing french restaurant in Sarasota. Then we just walked around the Marina, talking, watching the ships dock. It was a breath of fresh air. As with most dates, it was a little awkward at first, but we both warmed up to one another. Maybe a movie this week? (dollar theatre! lol)

My mom was in an accident last night. Some dude slammed into her side of the car. Thankfully she is alive but she is pretty banged up and bruised.

The opportunity to move to Northern California came up this weekend. Amy, this amazing woman, has invited me to share her cottage for a year while I get things sorted out and establish who I am better with myself. This is a viable optoin.

So, I truly and honestly hope that whatever the hell is going on with me and those I love (and I'm sure love me) gets handled appropriately. If people have a problem with me, tell me. If they see me do something they don't agree with, point it out. At the same time, trust is one of the most important parts of any relationship. So if there is no trust...we will get nowhere.

I desperately want to get somewhere.
And whether things get patched up or not, I still love them all.

Anyway, by the looks of things i'll probably be writing another blog in about 6 months. Or maybe sooner.

Who knows?

With love,

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